I am still just a kid in a band that doesn't like stupid movies.

It's one in the morning and I am exhausted. I have plans tomorrow at 11. That means that I have to be up by 10. Oh, joy.

I learned a lot today. I still don't think that I have realized how much I learned. The biggest thing is: I am still a little girl. I have trouble realizing that although I run with the big dogs, I am still a puppy. I want to be so mature but, I am still not there yet. I am kind of awkward and still a bit lost. Oh gosh, I am a teenager. Go figure.

Another thing that I learned is being in a band is a lot harder than it might seem. When I first joined the band, I thought it was going to be kind of like the jam/worship sessions that had made up the entire extent of my prior experience. It is so much more than that. I was nieve. Being in a band means that you have to learn how to mesh with every other member. I have to learn to deal with five other people that I always love but I'm not always going to agree with. I have to deal with them and they have to deal with me (bless their hearts ;)). Also, naturally some personalities aren't always going to agree so, you have to learn to move past that and work together. Being in a band is totally worth it but, it tends to be a bit more stress than you would think.

Back to being a little girl, I don't know how this happened but, it dawned on me how much freedom I really have. I was invited to join in on some activities this evening and at first I was totally all for it and I was excited that my parents gave me the go ahead but, as the evening progressed I kind of lost interest. It got to the point where I just asked my parents if I could go just to see if they would let me. I was almost wishing that they would say no, just so that I could go home but, they didn't. It probably doesn't make sense but I wanted that no so badly and it didn't come so, I just went along with whatever I was invited to do even though all I really wanted was to be at home. I am such a home body. So, in the end, I was stuck wishing that I didn't have quite as much freedom as I do have. I am growing up now, I realize that but, at the same time, I want so bad to be a protected and guarded like I was before. I am still a little kid but, I am given much more freedom than a little kid should have. Now, I have to learn how to use that freeedom properly and not just say yes to every opportunity that comes along. I have to be responsible and I still just kind of want to be that little kid.

Hmmm, I watched a movie tonight and I think I would have really enjoyed it had it not been for the screwed up relationships portrayed in the movie. I have never been exposed to really messed up families before and it startled me more than I thought I was going to be shocked when I entered the theater. There was a man and woman living together that looked down upon marraige. Now that I think about it though, marraige is more of a religious thing than anything else so, it shouldn't have been so surprising but, it was. Also, they put "the church" and "religion" in an extremely skewed light with a worshipped pastor and ridiculously impressionable congregation. I didn't like that. Ugh, and the other relationships, marraiges and kinships were so messed up. I thought that it was rdiculous but, it makes me so sad that there are actually people that live with that. With messed up relationships so so so so messed up.

Ok, so basically, I am still just a kid in a band that doesn't like stupid movies.

Alright, I'm done.

Love!

Oh, yeah

I also realized how much I say the words "ya know?"

I think I said that at least 35 times today