What I've Been Thinking About

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6

Every day of our live we encounter people. There's the waiter at IHOP, the kid that sits next to you in History and the person pumping gas at the next pump over. There's the mother with a little girl at the park, the cashier at Walmart and the the person in line behind you at Starbucks. Each of these people has a life of their own, completely seperate from yours. You might see them once a week, or maybe once in your life. But, what we completely fail to think about is that at the end of their life (and we don't know when that is) they are going to one of two places: Heaven or Hell. *

As Christians we go through our lives completely oblivious of this. We see them and we might even smile, but that is as far as it goes. We figure that they either already know about Jesus and his love or we assume that someone else will tell them. We are too embarrassed to tell them that Jesus loves them and is the only way to God. But, what if we are the only person that they come in contact with that knows the truth? Where does embarrassment have a place when someone's soul is on the line? It doesn't.

We should be taking ever opportunity possible to tell people about Jesus and how he saved us. We should be bursting at the seams, unable to contain the truth that He came to this earth, lived a sinless life, and then died on the cross for us. Because, when it comes down to it, that is all that matters.

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Romans 10:9

*One of the college students at my church mentioned this idea

Pretend

Hmmm...

There are about a million and one thoughts swirling around my head.
But, I've decided to throw them all in the backseat and try to take a look from the outside.
What do people see when they look at me?
Can they see ME or what I pretend to be?
We all wear a mask.
Who will be the first to drop the facade?

I pretend to be strong.
I'm weak.

I pretend to always be happy.
I'm sad.

I pretend that I am ok with everything.
I'm just too afraid to tell you that I'm not.

I pretend that I don't care.
I always care.

I pretend that I don't know.
I always do.

I pretend that I am brave.
I am a terrified child.

I pretend that I don't need any one.
I need you.

I pretend.
And so do you .

Haha... maybe I wll finish this one later... maybe. I gave myself four words and five minutes, and this is what I came up with. :)

Lost Time, New Rhyme

Lost as I drift into the distance
Time finds its way to drown me
New, now I find myself a part of the resistance
Rhyme becomes Irony

Lost forever
Time counfounding
New endeavor
Rhymes abounding

Luca Likes Mice

Luca likes mice.



I fed my snake tonight. It isn't pretty. He sees the mousey and he pulls his head back into the position that I have so learned to fear when he isn't enclosed in his cage because, I know that the vicious fangs that he hides in that little head of his are about to come out and cause some serious damage to the first thing that they came in contact with. This is when I start to get really nervous because, I know that I have to release that mouse at exactly the right time or else my hand my end up in the tank with the poor rodent.

Then Luca wraps his thin head constrictively around the mouses fat body and little streams of crimson fall down the fur, staining it, and pool at the indention of the bin. Luca curls tighter and tighter. It makes me sad. I can see the little rat's glass black eyes and I wonder what it felt like to die.

Luca flexes his mouth, over and over, Pulling his head towards the bottom of mousey. When he gets in the right position, he finally begins to engulf it. Bit by bit, he stretches and pulls the mouse down his throat until finally all Mr. Mousey is, is a lump in Luca's body. The only sign of his previous existance is the crimson pool.



Luca likes mice.



I know that was a bit gross but, the whole time, I am wondering what kind of life that poor mouse lived. He was born in a litter of probably, like, a dozen and he lived his whole life unspecial in a tub or tank of sorts housing hundreds of little rodents identical to him until the fateful day when he is plucked, killed and stuck in a freezer next to his brothers.



Luca likes mice.



Are we like mice?



Every kid is stuck in a school with hundred of "unique" kids just like him or her. And then, when they are done they get frozen and packaged. Ok, not really but, the most of us after school, go to the real world where they are like the frozen, they work jobs that they don't want and have to deal with the same stresses every day. They are practically packaged!



Luca likes mice.



I don't want to be like that. I want something different. I just don't know what yet...

It's the begining of February!

It's the begining of February, Black history month and I want to be in a gospel choir with becca.

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It's the begining of February, twelve days till Valentines Day and I am glad to be my own Valentine.
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It's the begining of February, 4 months till graduation.
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It's the begining of February, 3 in the morning.
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It's the begining of February, goodnight.

It's just one of those days.

It's just one of those days.

I took a three hour nap and woke up groggy. It was dark outside. I sat there and thought about life and then I went and took a shower.

It's just one of those days.

I got in a fight with one of my best friends yesterday and I'm not quite sure why. He told me pretty much that I was being dumb and complaining all the time, and that I had abandoned the friend that had disappeared on me. It didn't feel good to hear that from him and I still don't really understand where he is coming from. I am willing to admit to the stupid things that I do but, I didn't know that I was doing all of those things and I still don't see it. Maybe it is because I don't want to. He apologized to me and stuff, but I haven't apologized to him. I don't want to. I forgave him but, I am still hurt, if that makes sense.

It's just one of those days.

Other than that, life is peachy I guess. I am going to the movies with my best friend to see "Taken". We are going to be absolutely FREAKED all night :)

It hurts.

A million thoughts running circles in my head. The bad thing about a circle, though, is you don't get anywhere. No matter what, you end up back at square one. Square one. It hurts.

So, recently, a friend of mine dissapeared. Physically, emotionally, the whole shabang. Well, I know where she is but, even then, a person that doesn't want to be found, wont be. It really hurts. I was always there for her. I listened and I didn't judge. I cried with her and I loved her. I thought that she needed for me for a while, and maybe she did. She doesn't anymore. It hurts.

I feel like falling apart. I don't know what I did wrong. In those 4/5 of me that I hide, I hide well. I feel like I am so shallow to the world around me, the parts that I expose to people are the parts that are easy. Easy is good. It hurts.

When will anything ever be good enough?

It hurts.

Life hurts.

But, tomorrow is only a sunrise away.